“Saying “sorry” constantly isn’t politeness, it’s a symptom of shame.” - YES! Totally this. I’m in the U.K. & we do also all say sorry a lot so it’s a bit hard to tell what’s average, but I definitely apologise more than average for the cultural norm, and I’m often apologising for existing. Would be fascinating to do a speech audit somehow.. This is an area ripe for further research…
that's a great comment, I lived in the UK too for a while and that's very true, the British would not beso British and they would'nt apologize that much...
Though having ADHD, I noticed this was a trait I had, so I had to research it for this article.
It's all about being and learning to be more assertive and standing up for ourselves without having the feeling, that we are bashed down, every time we make a careless mistake (see ools loops article in the archive) and are critized, or are late or for other reasons.
It's also about building a growth mindset, failing to learn and grow, and stop being so perfectionist. It's also about applying the good enough 20/80 rule, as perfect is the enemy of good. That's the start of a great journey.
Totally agree about perfect being the enemy of the good and the importance of a growth mindset. In the people I know, we’re much more self-critical than we are criticised by others; it’s our own standards we’re failing to live up to rather than those overtly articulated by others. Although the root of that may still be from childhood. Whatever the cause, it’s a self-perpetuating cycle, & hard to get out of it. But even just realising the implication – that we are apologising for existing – may help kick start a way out of the cycle
“Saying “sorry” constantly isn’t politeness, it’s a symptom of shame.” - YES! Totally this. I’m in the U.K. & we do also all say sorry a lot so it’s a bit hard to tell what’s average, but I definitely apologise more than average for the cultural norm, and I’m often apologising for existing. Would be fascinating to do a speech audit somehow.. This is an area ripe for further research…
that's a great comment, I lived in the UK too for a while and that's very true, the British would not beso British and they would'nt apologize that much...
Though having ADHD, I noticed this was a trait I had, so I had to research it for this article.
It's all about being and learning to be more assertive and standing up for ourselves without having the feeling, that we are bashed down, every time we make a careless mistake (see ools loops article in the archive) and are critized, or are late or for other reasons.
It's also about building a growth mindset, failing to learn and grow, and stop being so perfectionist. It's also about applying the good enough 20/80 rule, as perfect is the enemy of good. That's the start of a great journey.
Totally agree about perfect being the enemy of the good and the importance of a growth mindset. In the people I know, we’re much more self-critical than we are criticised by others; it’s our own standards we’re failing to live up to rather than those overtly articulated by others. Although the root of that may still be from childhood. Whatever the cause, it’s a self-perpetuating cycle, & hard to get out of it. But even just realising the implication – that we are apologising for existing – may help kick start a way out of the cycle