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🔥 "Sorry!" I said, squeezing past someone at the grocery store. Then again when I reached for the same bag of spinach. Then again when I bumped my own cart.
It wasn’t until I got home and counted, I had said “sorry” nine times during a five-minute shopping trip—that it hit me: I wasn’t apologizing for what I did… I was apologizing for existing.
Sound familiar? If you’re ADHD, you might feel like a walking apology machine. But why? What’s really behind all that guilt? Let’s break it down. 🧠👇
😔 The Hidden Guilt Loop (and Why ADHD Fuels It)
People with ADHD often struggle with rejection sensitivity, executive function challenges and emotional regulation. This creates a loop of guilt and shame that fuels over-apologizing:
🔁 The ADHD Guilt Loop:
😵 You forget a text, miss a deadline or interrupt someone mid-sentence.
😞 You feel terrible and spiral into guilt.
😬 You over-apologize—even when it’s not needed.
💔 You start feeling ashamed, not for what you did, but for who you are.
🔄 You try to be “less much,” tone yourself down, or disappear… until the cycle repeats.
🧠 Why ADHD Makes This Worse (Science-Backed)
🧩 ADHD brains process social feedback and mistakes more intensely. Combine that with emotional dysregulation, and the result is a hyper-awareness of being “too much” or “not enough.”
✍️ Cheat Sheet: Quick Fixes for ADHD Over-Apologizing
🌟 Quick swaps to build confidence:
🔹 Instead of “Sorry I forgot…” → “Thanks for the reminder.” 🔹 Instead of “Sorry I’m too much…” → “This is who I am.” 🔹 Instead of “Sorry I need help…” → “Could you support me with this?” 🔹 Instead of apologizing for boundaries → “I’m choosing what’s best for me.”
🔧 Extra ADHD-Friendly Strategies That Work
🧠 Body Doubling Confidence Boost
Talk through tricky social situations with a supportive buddy or coach before they happen.
🪞 Mirror Affirmations
Practice saying “I belong here” or “My voice matters” daily—even if it feels awkward at first.
📅 Script It Beforehand
Prepare responses for situations where you feel pressured to apologize.
💌 Write Your Wins
Track moments when you held a boundary or expressed yourself—proof that you’re growing.
“Saying “sorry” constantly isn’t politeness, it’s a symptom of shame.” - YES! Totally this. I’m in the U.K. & we do also all say sorry a lot so it’s a bit hard to tell what’s average, but I definitely apologise more than average for the cultural norm, and I’m often apologising for existing. Would be fascinating to do a speech audit somehow.. This is an area ripe for further research…
“Saying “sorry” constantly isn’t politeness, it’s a symptom of shame.” - YES! Totally this. I’m in the U.K. & we do also all say sorry a lot so it’s a bit hard to tell what’s average, but I definitely apologise more than average for the cultural norm, and I’m often apologising for existing. Would be fascinating to do a speech audit somehow.. This is an area ripe for further research…