🌀 ADHD Push-Pull: Feeling “Too Much” and “Not Enough” (at the same time) & How to Fix it?
Find your balance in the ADHD pendulum of intensity and invisibility - plus actionable tips for feeling whole again. 🛠️
🔥 The Push-Pull Feeling…
You walk into a room, full of energy—thoughts bouncing, heart open.
But within minutes, you feel like… too much. So you shrink.
You overexplain. Then you ghost.
You interrupt. Then apologize for existing.
You feel everything, all at once—and then nothing at all.
🎭 ADHD isn’t just attention struggles - it’s also emotional whiplash.
This is the push-pull effect: swinging between being too much and not enough.
It’s confusing, exhausting, and very real for ADHDers.
Let’s talk about why this happens—and how to steady the swing. 🌀
🧠 What Is the Push-Pull Effect in ADHD?
The push-pull effect is the emotional back-and-forth many ADHDers experience in relationships, conversations and self-perception.
🧲 PUSH: You show up big, loud laugh, big ideas, enthusiasm on 100.
🧲 PULL: Then comes the self-doubt, the freeze, the retreat.
You feel like you’re constantly navigating two extremes:
🤐 “I’m being too much. I need to tone it down.”
👻 “No one sees me. I don’t belong here.”
This emotional teeter-totter is not your fault.
It’s how ADHD wiring often shows up in real life interactions.
⚡ When Does It Strike?
This push-pull sensation can hit in all kinds of scenarios. Watch for these patterns:
🔵 In Social Situations:
You talk too fast. You share too much. Then replay the conversation for hours and swear to stay quiet next time.
🟣 In Friendships & Dating:
You go all-in, crave deep connection fast… and then feel too exposed. So you disappear.
🟠 In Work or School:
You speak up with bold ideas, then immediately doubt yourself. You try to stay small so you don’t mess up again.
🔴 In Self-Talk:
One moment you’re a genius. The next, you feel like a failure.
🧐 Why Does This Happen? (Inside the ADHD Brain)
🔬 Here’s what’s really going on:
🧠 Emotional Dysregulation – ADHD impacts the brain’s ability to manage emotional responses. You feel a lot, quickly, and deeply.
(Shaw et al., 2009)
💔 Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD) – A common ADHD trait. Small interactions can feel like deep rejection. This fuels the urge to retreat.
(Dodson, 2010)
Dodson, W. (2010). "The ADHD Effect on Marriage: Understand and Rebuild Your Relationship in Six Steps."
🎢 Impulse → Shame Loop – Big emotions come out fast (impulse), and are followed by intense shame or regret. You overcorrect by disappearing.
🎭 Translation?
You're not too much or not enough. You're feeling deeply, fast, and trying to protect yourself from emotional pain.
🚨 Real Life Impact of the Push-Pull Pattern
This cycle has ripple effects in all areas of ADHD life:
💬 Communication Struggles – You either overshare or go radio silent. It’s hard to find the middle.
❤️ Relationship Instability – People may feel confused by your hot-and-cold energy, even though you’re just trying to regulate yourself.
🧍 Isolation & Loneliness – You retreat for self-preservation, but end up feeling disconnected.
🌀 Shaky Self-Worth – Constantly feeling too much/not enough creates deep internal confusion.
🔄 The ADHD Push-Pull Loop
The push-pull effect follows a familiar cycle—let’s break it down:
1️⃣ Initial Excitement
You feel inspired or connected, so you open up big. Maybe too big. You want to be fully seen.
2️⃣ Shame or Overthinking
You start to worry. “Did I say too much?” “Did I come on too strong?” Cue: spiraling thoughts.
3️⃣ Emotional Withdrawal
You pull back. You stop replying. You go quiet to self-protect.
4️⃣ Isolation & Regret
Now you miss connection. You feel invisible again… and the cycle resets. 🔁
🔧 ADHD STRATEGIES TO BREAK THE PUSH-PULL LOOP
Use what resonates. Skip what doesn’t. This isn’t about fixing you—it’s about meeting your brain where it is.
🧘 EMOTIONAL REGULATION TOOLS
Regulate before you reflect.
🎭NAME IT TO TAME IT
“This feels like rejection sensitivity.”
“I’m spiraling because I’m overstimulated.”
🧠 Why it works: Labeling emotions calms the brain.
📚 Lieberman et al., 2007 – UCLA Study on Affect Labeling
BARE MINIMUM BODY RESET 🧍
✔ Water
✔ 2-minute stretch
✔ 4-in, 6-out breath
🧠 Why it works: Somatic resets help without needing executive function.
📚 Porges, 2011 – Polyvagal Theory
🔗DOPAMINE ANCHORS
Low-effort, high-reward joy boosters:
📺 Comfort show
🌀 Fidget toy
🌤 Sunlight walk
🧠 These are medicine, not indulgence.
📚 Brown & Brandler, 2020 – ADHD + Reward Circuitry
💬 COMMUNICATION + BOUNDARIES TOOLS
Oversharing and disappearing both come from fear of not being understood.
📝PRE-EMPTIVE SCRIPTS
“I’m in low-battery mode, not ignoring you.”
“I’ll disappear to reset—nothing personal.”
🧠 Why it works: Clarity prevents shame spirals.
🔧THE REPAIR TEXT
“Hey, I got overwhelmed and went quiet. I’m okay—just wanted to reconnect.”
🧠 Why it works: Rebuilds trust without overexplaining.
🔐 BOUNDARY = SAFETY
“I might leave early.”
“Can we talk after I recharge?”
🧠 Why it works: Clear expectations soothe nervous system chaos.
💖 SELF-WORTH + REFRAMING TOOLS
Shift from self-judgment to self-compassion.
🎤“TOO MUCH” = MAGNIFIED GIFT
Your passion, your emotion, your words, they’re not flaws. They’re power turned up.
📄 Affirmation Print – Morgan Harper Nichols
📉“NOT ENOUGH” = INTERNALIZED STORY
Reframe the inner critic:
“I’m not behind—I’m moving differently.”
“My pace is not broken.”
📺 Lazy or Disabled? – How to Reframe ADHD Productivity
🪞MIRROR ANCHORS
Write and place affirmations where you’ll see them:
“You’re allowed to take up space and rest.”
“You’re safe even when you’re not performing.”
📄 Free Wallpaper Reminders – @livedeeply
✨ BODY-BASED SOOTHING TOOLS
Because sometimes the brain won’t listen until the body feels safe.
🪨 WEIGHTED INPUT = GROUNDING
✔ Weighted blanket
✔ Hug a pillow
✔ Push palms together / wall push-ups
🧠 Why it works: Deep pressure triggers a calming parasympathetic response.
📚 Temple Grandin, 1992 – Deep Pressure for Autism & ADHD
💧 SENSORY RESET RITUAL
✔ Cool water on hands
✔ Facial mist / mint gum
✔ Essential oil swipe
🧠 Why it works: Activating your senses reorients you to the present.
🦘 SHAKE IT OFF
✔ Shake arms
✔ Jump in place
✔ Wiggle the body
🧠 Why it works: Discharge cortisol and reset your nervous system.
📚 Somatic Therapy 101 – Why Shaking Works
🌀 Before & After: A Real-Life Push-Pull Spiral
Let’s see what this actually looks like and how a few tiny shifts can make a big difference:
❌BEFORE 🌀 Stuck in the Loop
📢 You excitedly share a big idea with a friend, talk fast, feel high-energy.
🧠 Later, you overthink everything you said.
Cue: Embarrassment, spiraling.
👻 You stop replying to messages. Go quiet. Disappear.
😔 Days pass. You think:
“I ruin everything.”
“They must think I’m too much.”
“I should just pull away.”
💔 You withdraw. From them. From others. From yourself.
✅ AFTER 🧰 Interrupting the Pattern
⚡ You feel the same high-energy buzz and share your idea freely.
🧠 You notice the internal voice starting: “Why did I say all that?”
🎭 You pause. Name it:
“This is Rejection Sensitivity showing up.”
“My brain is trying to protect me.”
📱 You send a quick, grounding text:
“Hey, I get in my head after talking a lot—just know I care and I’m recalibrating.”
💧 You hydrate.
🚶 You take a 5-min walk.
🤲 You stretch. Regulate. Come back to center.
💬 You stay in connection—with them and with yourself.
✅ Quick Start Checklist
Step 1️⃣ – Notice the Loop
🔍 Become aware of your push-pull pattern:
• Oversharing → 😳 shame spiral?
• Ghosting → 😔 guilt loop?
Step 2️⃣ – Pick 1 Tool Per Category
🔄 Create your Reset Ritual using this formula:
🧘 (Emotional) + 💬 (Communication) + 💖 (Self-Worth) + ✨ (Body-Based)
= 💥 Regulation + Connection
Step 3️⃣ – Save Your Go-To Tools
📱 Make a “Reset” note in your phone with:
• Favorite tools
• Grounding links
• Reassuring scripts
→ That way, your support system is just one tap away.
🔵 Step 4️⃣ – Tell One Safe Person
💌 Share this with someone who gets it:
• Let them know how you spiral
• Tell them how they can support you during recharges or repairs
🧰 12 TOOLS AT A GLANCE
🧘 EMOTIONAL
🎭 Name It — Affect Labeling Study
🧍 Body Reset — Polyvagal Theory
🔗 Dopamine Boosts — Fidget Tools – CHADD
💬 COMMUNICATION
📝 Scripts — Neurodivergent Scripts
🔧 Repair Text — Repair Examples
🔐 Boundaries — Boundaries 101 – Nedra Tawwab
💖 SELF-WORTH
🎤 Too Much = Gift — Affirmation Art
📉 You’re Not Lazy — Laziness Does Not Exist
🪞 Mirror Anchors — Free Affirmations
✨ BODY TOOLS
🪨 Weighted Input — Weighted Blanket Guide
💧 Sensory Ritual — DIY Sensory Kit
🦘 Shake It Off — Shake Reset Article
🚀 Final Thought:
You Are Not Too Much. You Are Not Not Enough.
You’re just a deeply-feeling, fast-thinking human in a world built for emotional flatlines.
🌱 You don’t need to shrink.
🌱 You don’t need to explode.
You just need tools to hold both truths:
✨ You are big.
✨ You are gentle.
✨ You belong.
Let’s build a space where you can be all of it.
💬 Which strategy will you try first? Drop a comment below 💕
📢 Share this with someone who’s ever felt like too much or not enough.
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